Me too!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
