dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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