i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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