You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
