piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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