I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
