you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
