Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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