I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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