just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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