Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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