The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
