I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you would pick up someone in the library
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
