what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
