high people should be assigned attendants
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
