i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
