I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
