Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
