If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
