She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
