he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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