I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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