While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
