break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You pole danced in your parka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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