She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Boobs are out for the taking
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
