wrigley field is MILF paradise
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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