you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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