i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
