this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
