My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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