Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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