best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
