and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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