go do what you do best...puke behind churches
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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