Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
