I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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