How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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