i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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