I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
