You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
