Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
