I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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