p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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