My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
