So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
