You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
