Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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