I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
