I'm lost and stupid without you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
