My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
