I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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