put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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