watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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