well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize