I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
