I could make wine with my vomit
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
