When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
