I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
