You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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