When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
