im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize