Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
