Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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