sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize