dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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