I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
