You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
