Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
