You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
