I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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