I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
